All STEPHEN COLBERT Quotes about “Funny”

“Now, I don't see color. People tell me I'm white and I believe them because police officers call me 'sir'.”
“There's nothing American tourists like more than the things they can get at home.”
“They said you can't go to the moon. They said you can't put cheese inside a pizza crust, but NASA did it. They had to, because the cheese kept floating off in space.”
“You see, we're America the Beautiful, not America 'Well, At Least She Has a Great Personality'.”
“On this show, your voice will be heard in the form of my voice.”
“Asia: Four little letters, three billion little people.”
“Jesus forgives sinners, not criminals.”
“Every night on my show, The Colbert Report, I speak straight from the gut, okay? I give people the truth, unfiltered by rational argument. I call it "The No Fact Zone.”
“Democrats lead in all the polls by at least ten points, except one.. Fox News. That is with a margin of error of plus or minus the facts.”
“Naturally the U.S. trails in gold medals because every time we win one, we hand it over to the Chinese to pay off our debt.”
“Well China, you got us. Phelps was doping - and he still beat you. He smoked the sticky-icky, and then he smoked your ass!”
“I hold a little fundraiser every day. Its called going to work.”
“There's nothing wrong with being gay. I have plenty of friends who are going to hell.”

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