All STEPHEN COLBERT Quotes about “Children”

“I thought Black Friday was when everyone puts on blackface and steals children from Wal-Mart.”
“Folks, I don't trust children. They're here to replace us.”
“They say the only people who tell the truth are drunkards and children. Guess which one I am.”
“And my daughter said, 'Why are you yelling at us?' and I said, 'I'm trying to discipline you!' And then she looked up at me with her tear-stained eyes and said, 'This is how you teach children, by making them cry.' And it was such a clenching reminder - she won not only the argument, but she won life with that statement. I just burst out laughing, and I think they were so surprised that I burst out laughing, that they did too.”
“In God's eyes all children are beautiful but here on earth we have higher standards.”
“It warps the minds of our children and weakens the resolve of our allies.”
“A mother needs to be in the home even when the kids arenâ€™t. A messy house sends a coded message to children: â€œIâ€™m not loveable. Otherwise Mother would dust.”
“My brother Billy was the joke teller. My brother Jim had a really sharp, cutting wit. And the teller of long stories, that was my brother Ed. As a child, I just absorbed everything they said, and I was always in competition for the laughs.”
“If we don't cut expensive things like Head Start, child nutrition programs, and teachers, what sort of future are we leaving for our children?”

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