"My jokes are in my head and I have a duplicate copy of my jokes in a lot of British comics' heads, where they are safe."

-- Emo Philips

#Safe Quotes #Comedy Quotes #Comic Quotes

“Escape through travel works. Almost from the moment I boarded my flight, life in England became meaningless. Seat-belt signs lit up, problems switched off. Broken armrests took precedence over broken hearts. By the time the plane was airborne I'd forgotten England even existed.”

Source : Alex Garland (2005). “The Beach”, p.92, Penguin
“A little while ago I visited Omaha Beach for the second time in my life. In the intervening 26 years, nearly 20,000 tides had come and gone and little remains visible of the greatest military landing in man's history of endless warring. What's to be seen is mostly in a superb museum and a panoramic cemetery. The cemetery memorializes with dignity and grandeur the event and the dead, and moves one deeply. Before they die less precipitously and/or in lesser purpose, Americans who can should visit World War II's Normandy Beach. Such seeing and remembering helps a man's perspective.”
“Today is the first and last day of forever.”
“There is no limit to which a man will not go to avoid thinking.”
“And on this you have my pledge - unlike in the past, when you stood up and did what was right, this governor will not pull the rug out from underneath you - I will sign strong reform bills.”
“The humans create life, and senselessly cause death. For nothing.”
“His sumptuous tents, and those of his satraps, afforded an immense booty to the conqueror; and an incident is mentioned which proves the rustic but martial ignorance of the legions in the elegant superfluities of life. A bag of shining leather, filled with pearls, fell into the hands of a private soldier; he carefully preserved the bag, but he threw away its contents, judging that whatever was of no use could not possibly be of any value.”
“I would kill to be on Dexter, and I would double kill to be on True Blood. I would pay them to let me come be a vampire or a vampire victim. No joke!”

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