"People entertain me more than I entertain them."

-- Kathleen Madigan

“The parallels between Elvis and Michael Jackson as incredible artists is evident. But I think that where Michael Jackson even transcends Elvis Presley.”
“Nothing is accomplished all at once, and it is one of my great maxims, and one of the most completely verified, that Nature makes no leaps: a maxim which I have called the law of continuity.”

Source : Gottfried Wilhelm Leibniz (1916). “New Essays Concerning Human Understanding with an Appealing...: Transtated from the Original Latin, French and German Writeen”
“Many of the racial problems in America are caused by the fact that people are innately tribal, and politicians know how to exploit that biological fact.”
“With every cell of my being and with every fiber of my memory I oppose the death penalty in all forms. I do not believe any civilized society should be at the service of death. I don't think it's human to become an agent of the angel of death.”
“I know that it is impossible to talk about my work. And since it's impossible for me or anybody else to talk about my work, I feel I might as well talk about it.”

Source : Barnett Newman, John Philip O'Neill (1992). “Barnett Newman: Selected Writings and Interviews”, p.281, Univ of California Press
“Christianity and the Holy Spirit is not just for a special group of people, it's for all of us. That's when I really began to seek God and his will for my life.”
“Up there on Huckleberry Mountain, I couldn't sleep ... As the sky broke light over the peaks of Glacier, I found myself deeply moved by the view from our elevation - off west the lights of Montana, Hungry Horse, and Columbia Falls, and farmsteads along the northern edge of Flathead Lake, and back in the direction of sunrise the soft and misted valleys of the parklands, not an electric light showing: little enough to preserve for the wanderings of a great and sacred animal who can teach us, if nothing else, by his power and his dilemma, a little common humility.”
“Weâ€™re all doing the best we can and sometimes it is not that good.”

You may also like:

Bill Engvall
Comedian
Brian Regan
Comedian
Jim Gaffigan
Comedian
Lewis Black
Comedian
Maria Bamford
Comedian
Ron White
Stand-up comedian
Wendy Liebman
Comedian
Alonzo Bodden
Comedian
John Pinette
Actor