"Have you heard about the morning after pill, or what I like to call breakfast in bed. Well have you heard about how some of the girls who have taken have died a few days later? Talk about two birds, looks like I will be going to the game this weekend boys."

-- Daniel Tosh

#Funny Quotes #Girl Quotes #Morning Quotes

“Whether it's cushions you only use outside in the summer, or blankets that only come out in the winter, you've always got to think of where to store them.”
“Pertini has interpreted as their best the worst about Italians.”

Source : "Piccola antologia del pensiero breve" by Franco Fontanini, Liguori Editore, (p. 12), 2007.
“We are intensely loyal to our parents. In spite of the pain we experienced at our parent's hands, we cling tenaciously to their views of life; and their examples of what it is to be a man or a woman follow us throughout life. Acknowledging the power of our loyalty to them, and especially our loyalty to our same-sex parent, is only the beginning of our journey to improve upon their model; but it is at least a first step.”
“Acting was something I always wanted to try. I just didn't know how, or I didn't know when the door was gonna be open for me to try it. But it finally opened up for me when I did 'Turn It Up', and ever since then I've been in love with doing films.”
“Let go of what you think life should be so you can experience the life you have.”

Source : Rhonda Britten (2003). “Fearless Loving”, p.215, Penguin
“You guys are weird," Tori said. Simon sat on the crate beside me. "That's right. We are totally weird and completely uncool. Your popularity is plummeting just by being near us.”
“You have to believe in the process. You have to believe in the things that you are doing to help the team win. I think you have to take the good with the bad.”
“After Hatuey, a fifteenth-century Indian insurrectionist, had been fixed to the stake, his Spanish captors extended him the choice of converting to Christianity and ascending to Heaven of going unrepentantly to Hell. Gathering that his executioners expected to go to heaven, Hatuey chose the other”

You may also like:

Anthony Jeselnik
Comedian
Carrot Top
Comedian
Chris Hardwick
Comedian
Dane Cook
Comedian
Dave Chappelle
Comedian
Lane Kiffin
Football coach
Louis C. K.
Comedian
Nick Swardson
Actor
Rob Dyrdek
Skateboarder