Chuck Lorre famous quotes

04-17-2025

According to the rules of comedy, your suffering will be funny after an undetermined length of time. Maybe not while you're having your gangrenous leg sawed off, watching your home burn down or learning how to be intimate with your cellmate, but, in the big scheme of things, soon.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Home #Suffering #Legs
I believe I've spent my life expecting people to behave in a certain way. I believe that when they didn't behave according to my expectations, I became angry, sad, confused and occasionally fearful. I believe these expectations are the reason I've been angry, sad, confused and occasionally fearful more than I care to admit. As a result, I now believe my expectations are the real problem. I believe that everyone has this very same problem, and they ought to start acting accordingly.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Confused #Real #Believe
I'm thinking of writing a children's story about a leaf on a tree who arrogantly insists he's a self-made, independent leaf. Then one day a fierce wind blows him off his branch and to the ground below. As his life slowly ebbs away, he looks up at the magnificent old tree that had been his home and realizes that he had never been on his own. His entire life he had been part of something bigger and more beautiful than anything he could have imagined. In a blinding flash, he awakens from the delusion of self. Then an arrogant, self-centered kid rakes him up and bags him.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Beautiful #Children #Kids
I work from a deep sense of insecurity. I have the belief, and I can't shake it, that there are endless reasons to turn the channel. There are hundreds of channels and entirely other things to do besides TV. And if you make a bad television show there's no reason for the audience to come back the following week.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Insecurity #Television #Tvs
I'm an old guitar player who has fallen into television and is so happy he did.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Player #Guitar #Television
For every man that ever walked the Earth, except maybe the sociopaths, when it comes to talking to pretty girls... it's just stark terror.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Girl #Men #Talking
Life is never quite like the brochure.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Never Quit #Life Is #Brochures
It's safe to talk openly and honestly with people because they're not really listening.
-- Chuck Lorre

#People #Listening #Safe
Love, sex, food, friendship, art, play, beauty and the simple pleasure of a cup of tea are all well and good, but never forget that God/the universe is determined to kill you by whatever means necessary.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Art #Sex #Mean
I believe that the Laws of Karma do not apply to show business, where good things happen to bad people on a fairly regular basis.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Karma #Believe #Law
I exercise regularly. I eat moderate amounts of healthy food. I make sure to get plenty of rest. I see my doctor once a year and my dentist twice a year. I floss every night. I've had chest xâ€“rays, cardio stress tests, EKGs and colonoscopies. I see a psychologist and have a variety of hobbies to reduce stress. I don't drink. I don't smoke. I don't do drugs. I don't have crazy, reckless sex with strangers. If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Sex #Stress #Crazy
I am wired on some deep level to seek out something to be worried and obsess about.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Levels #Worried
If Charlie Sheen outlives me, I'm gonna be really pissed.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Charlie
Don't forget that you are the product of a culture that went stark raving mad about ten thousand years ago. Adjust your thinking accordingly.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Thinking #Years #Mad
I believe that the obsessive worship of movie, TV and sports figures is less likely to produce spiritual gain than praying to Thor.
-- Chuck Lorre

#Sports #Spiritual #Believe

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