"I go "I just want a cup of black coffee." She goes "Do you want to try a biscotti? They're from Italy and they're considered a delicacy." Have you ever eaten one of these things? It tastes like a burned cookie. Where I'm from, that's considered a mistake."

-- Bill Engvall

#Funny Quotes #Mistake Quotes #Coffee Quotes

“Im sick and tired of politicians beating up on the IRS. We have the best and fairest tax-collection system in the world.”
“What creates reality is not reality, but you.”
“Non...I am DANCING IN MY NUDDY-PANTS!!!' And we both laughed like loons on loon tablets. I danced for ages round the house in my nuddy-pants. Also, I did this brilliant thing-I danced in the front window just for a second whilst Mr. Across the Road was drawing his curtains. He will never be sure if he saw a mirage or not. That is the kind of person I am. Not really the kind of person who goes and raises elks in Whakatane.”
“You know, when you've worked with somebody before and you've worked very deeply and dangerously then you start with the relaxation and the trust right away and that lets you go even deeper, which is a lovely thing.”
“All I wanted to be was a player.”
“When I release something, I'm like, "OK, I want it to be the best." When I release my fragrance, I want it to be the number one fragrance. I don't want it to be like, "Oh yeah, you got ninth on the rankings."”
“I'm a firm believer that lighting affects mood, and twinkly lights on strings bring something magical to occasions ranging from concerts to weddings, though I'm fond of using them as year-round home decor. There's a reason why they're sometimes called fairy lights. When the night is right, there aren't any strings at all.”
“You don't take music seriously if you wear your left ear bud in your right ear and your right ear bud in your left ear.”

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