"I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note on it saying, toys not included."

-- Bernard Manning

#Christmas Quotes #Kids Quotes #Batteries Quotes

“Much of our understanding of God's action in our lives in achieved in hindsight. When a particular crisis or event in our life has passed we cry out in astonishment like Jacob, 'The Lord is in this place and I never knew it.”
“You know the head's where everything is at, the brain, eyes, mouth. That's the person. I remember being told as a kid, you cut off the head and the body dies. the body is nothing after the head is cut off... well that's not quite true. With a girl there's a lot left in the girl's body without a head.”
“The citizen's job is to be rude - to pierce the comfort of professional intercourse by boorish expressions of doubt.”

Source : John Ralston Saul (2012). “The Doubter's Companion: A Dictionary of Aggressive Common Sense”, p.237, Simon and Schuster
“There are no maps to guide our most important searches; we must rely on hope, chance, intuition, and a willingness to be surprised.”
“In its famous paradox, the equation of money and excrement, psychoanalysis becomes the first science to state what common sense and the poets have long known - that the essence of money is in its absolute worthlessness.”

Source : Norman O. Brown (1972). “Life Against Death: The Psychoanalytical Meaning of History”
“The only reason I would call the police is if someone is getting aggressed in the street and I'm behind a window.”
“Time always seems long to the child who is waiting - for Christmas, for next summer, for becoming a grownup: long also when he surrenders his whole soul to each moment of a happy day.”
“Many of the women in Los Angeles are part of the notorious gang culture, and they will forever have my gratitude for, you know, letting me live.”

You may also like:

Bob Monkhouse
Writer
Frank Carson
Comedian
Jim Davidson
Comedian
Ken Dodd
Comedian
Les Dawson
Comedian
Mick Miller
Comedian
Paul Daniels
Magician
Esther Rantzen
Journalist
Tom O'Connor
Comedian