"I'm Dave Chappelle and I'm a chronic masturbator."

-- Dave Chappelle

#Funny Quotes #Comedy Quotes #Dave Quotes

“What do you do to your hair?" "Dust, hair gel, and a little gun oil." "Ever thought of patenting the recipe?" "No.”
“Drs. Margolis and Fisher have done a great service to education, computer science, and the culture at large. Unlocking the Clubhouse should be required reading for anyone and everyone who is concerned about the decreasing rate of women studying computer science.”
“It was unexpected. That's just how it was. I don't believe they were faster than us. I don't believe they had more heart or dedication. It just fell on their side. That's the reality of it.”
“Punctuation, is? fun!”

Source : Daniel Keyes (2007). “Flowers for Algernon”, p.39, Houghton Mifflin Harcourt
“I think a lot of people in the Conservative party came from other parties. There wouldn't be a Conservative party today if people hadn't come from other parties.”
“I had some wonderful dreaming meetings. I can't tell you specifically what they've been in the recent months. In the past they've been verbal kinds of messages that he needed to give me. Now they're more dreams of his presence.”
“The unexamined life is not worth living. But if all you're doing is examining, then you're not living!”
“I always considered myself a loner. I mean, not like a poor-me, Byron-esque, I-should-have-brought-a-swimming-buddy loner. I mean the sort of person who doesnâ€™t feel too upset about the prospect of a weekend spent seeing no one, and reading good books on the couch. It wasnâ€™t like I was a people hater or anything. I enjoyed activities and the company of friends. But they were a side dish. I always thought I would be happy without them.”

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