Cathy Crimmins famous quotes

You can never be too paranoid.
-- Cathy Crimmins

#Funny #Writing #Paranoid

What women look for in a man: Breathing, IQ over 80, weight under 550 pounds, fewer than six ex-wives. What men look for in a woman: Pia Zadora as she was ten years ago.
-- Cathy Crimmins

#Women #Years #Breathing

A period is just the beginning of a lifelong sentence
-- Cathy Crimmins

#Baby #Pregnancy #Periods

Don't think of it as wrinkles. Think of ot as relaxed-fit skin.
-- Cathy Crimmins

#Thinking #Wrinkles #Age

Our bombs are smarter than the average high school student. At least they can find Kuwait.

Books are totally useless unless you take their advice. If you just keep reading them, thinking "that's so insightful! that changes everything," but never actually doing anything different, then pretty quickly the feeling will wear off and you'll start searching for another book to fill the void.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt.

If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?

I got drunk in Canada. I was there for 2 days but I was drunk there for 4 days. I don't know how it worked. I guess it was with the time difference or something.

If the English language had been properly organized ... then there would be a word which meant both 'he' and 'she', and I could write, 'If John or Mary comes heesh will want to play tennis', which would save a lot of trouble.

The most difficult and complicated part of the writing process is the beginning.

I couldn't tell if I was perspicacious or paranoid.

During the lifetime of Japan I became very neurotic, very paranoid.

I ignore the jealous, I ignore the malicious, I ignore the ignorant and I ignore the paranoid.