"Men will now get up and walk with the baby in the middle of the night, change its diapers, and give it a bottle, but in their heart of hearts they still think they shouldn't have to."

-- Rita Rudner

#Baby Quotes #Heart Quotes #Night Quotes

“My weirdness aside, if I am to find any friends, particularly a girlfriend, she will almost certainly have to be a human. My previous track record tends to suggest that of all species that exist on the planet, it has so far been exclusively humans to whom I find myself sexually attracted. This is a good thing legally if nothing else.”
“Acting is a tough business, and the percentage of people who make it is very low - it's about 1 percent.”
“I see no purpose in Bad Coffee, Bad Wine, or Insincere friends.”
“What you spend years building may be destroyed overnight; build it anyway.”
“You should have access to ideas and information regardless of your age. If anyone is going to limit or guide a young person, it should be the parent or guardian and only the parent or guardian.”

Source : "A Library That Would Rather Block Than Offend" by Pamela Mendels, The New York Times, archive.nytimes.com. January 18, 1997).
“Why have they been telling us women lately that we have no sense of humor -- when we are always laughing? . . . and when we're not laughing, we're smiling.”
“Time is really the only capital that any human being has, and the only thing he can't afford to lose.”
“I do like Christmas on the whole.... In its clumsy way, it does approach Peace and Goodwill. But it is clumsier every year.”

You may also like:

Dave Barry
Author
George Carlin
Comedian
Judy Tenuta
Entertainer
Paula Poundstone
Comedian
Robert Klein
Stand-up comedian
Rodney Dangerfield
Comedian
Steve Martin
Actor
Wendy Liebman
Comedian
Woody Allen
Film producer