"As a 9th grader, I competed with the high school kids and out of 600 people, I finished 10th."

“Yes, I always say that were a National League band. What I mean is, if you play an instrument, you have to sing. So I always call our drummer up. Even the drummer has to take a turn on the microphone.”

“I regard sports first and foremost as entertainment, so dry documentary narration is not for me.”

“It is about getting better every game. Work ethic was the first part. We were not ready to give up and the Slovaks did not give up also. That is what the Olympics are all about. We executed where we needed to execute. It was important to play the way we always play.”

“That's true. Chairman Meow deserves my every effort.”

“Creepy people do the things that decent people want to do, but have decided are not a great idea.”

Source : "Q&A: Mike Birbiglia on the Subway, Fans & Comedy About Love". Interview with Anna Peele, www.esquire.com. November 26, 2013.

“A man that flies from his fear may find that he has only taken a short cut to meet it.”

“The machine has no feelings, it feels no fear and no hope ... it operates according to the pure logic of probability. For this reason I assert that the robot perceives more accurately than man.”

“A good man likes a hard boss. I don't mean a nagging boss or a grouchy boss. I mean a boss who insists on things being done right and on time; a boss who is watching things closely enough so that he knows a good job from a poor one. Nothing is more discouraging to a good man than a boss who is not on the job, and who does not know whether things are going well or badly.”