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“When my dad needed a shirt ironed, he would yell downstairs to my mother, who would drop everything and iron his shirt.”
Source : "Biography/ Personal Quotes". www.imdb.com. 
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“Nobody wants to see sketch comedy that's the same sketch they've seen time and time again, or that's just a rehash of that thing.”
Source : "Keegan-Michael Key and Jordan Peele of Key & Peele". Interview with Jesse Thorn, www.avclub.com. March 20, 2012.
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“I don’t use a ring of any kind on my phone. This is so that I am always on offense and never defense.”
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“Once you do a piece on the stage, you become that poem or you become that piece. That's really who you are. I think that's why some artists have stage names, you know? I don't have a stage name, it's pretty much just me.”
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“Let me go on sleeping and I will lose myself in palaces of sand, and all the fantasies that I've been keeping will make the empty hours easier to stand.”
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“[The courts and the media elite] are abolishing America, they are deconstructing our country ... they have dethroned our God.”
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“True freedom is not about being able to do whatever we feel like doing; rather, it is about being able to do what we truly want to do, in spite of what we feel like doing at the moment.”
Source : David J. Lieberman (2010). “Find Out Who's Normal and Who's Not: The Proven System to Quickly Assess Anyone's Emotional Stability”, p.55, David Lieberman
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“My 3am wake up call sounds a lot different now. Sweeter...”
Source : Twitter post from Aug 14, 2014
