All MARK TWAIN Quotes about “Atheism”

“But who prays for Satan? Who, in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most?”
“The gods offer no rewards for intellect. There was never one yet that showed any interest in it.”
“I do not fear death. I had been dead for billions and billions of years before I was born, and had not suffered the slightest inconvenience from it.”
“Stripping away the irrational, the illogical, and the impossible, I am left with atheism. I can live with that.”
“It ain't those parts of the Bible that I can't understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.”
“I was dead for millions of years before I was born and it never inconvenienced me a bit.”
“Most people are bothered by those passages of Scripture they do not understand, but the passages that bother me are those I do understand.”
“It was the schoolboy who said, ""Faith is believing what you know ain't so.""”
“If the man doesn't believe as we do, we say he is a crank, and that settles it. I mean, it does nowadays, because now we can't burn him.”
“But who prays for Satan? Who in eighteen centuries, has had the common humanity to pray for the one sinner that needed it most, our one fellow and brother who most needed a friend yet had not a single one, the one sinner among us all who had the highest and clearest right to every Christian's daily and nightly prayers, for the plain and unassailable reason that his was the first and greatest need, he being among sinners the supremest?”
“Nothing agrees with me. If I drink coffee, it gives me dyspepsia; if I drink wine, it gives me the gout; if I go to church, it gives me dysentery.”
“A man is accepted into a church for what he believes and he is turned out for what he knows.”
“Under certain circumstances, profanity provides a relief denied even to prayer.”
“In God We Trust. I don't believe it would sound any better if it were true.”
“What God lacks is convictions- stability of character. He ought to be a Presbyterian or a Catholic or something- not try to be everything.”
“The Bible has noble poetry in it... and some good morals and a wealth of obscenity, and upwards of a thousand lies.”
“If Christ were here there is one thing he would not be - a Christian.”
“The church is always trying to get other people to reform, it might not be a bad idea to reform itself a little, by way of example”
“To trust the God of the Bible is to trust an irascible, vindictive, fierce and ever fickle and changeful master.”
“Religion consists in a set of things which the average man thinks he believes and wishes he was certain of.”
“You can never find a Christian who has acquired this valuable knowledge, this saving knowledge, by any process but the everlasting and all-sufficient 'people say.'”
“Nevertheless we have this curious spectacle: daily the trained parrot in the pulpit gravely delivers himself of these ironies, which he has acquired at second-hand and adopted without examination, to a trained congregation which accepts them without examination, and neither the speaker nor the hearer laughs at himself. It does seem as if we ought to be humble when we are at a bench-show, and not put on airs of intellectual superiority there.”
“Custom is custom: it is built of brass, boiler-iron, granite; facts, reasonings, arguments have no more effect upon it than the idle winds have upon Gibraltar.”
“The two Testaments are interesting, each in its own way. The Old one gives us a picture of these people's Deity as he was before he got religion, the other one gives us a picture of him as he appeared afterward.”

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